punk rock

Ok, um, why am i so willing to put up with uncooperative men?
like for real.
because of my giant dork-factor, i checked out the classic "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." from the library at lunch. I am going to read it tonight. I'll let you know if i learn anything valuable.
I also looked at "He's Just Not That Into You" at the library...because, honestly, i didn't want to hear it. ok. guys should not act like they totally adore you (in person)
if they don't.
let's take a vote:
give him "more time"
or dump 'im?

CHICAGO IS THE SUCKIEST SUCK FEST THAT EVER SUCKED

I AM SO UPSET.
I HAVE BEEN GIVEN TO THE CHICAGO TEAM. THIS IS NOT FAIR. THIS ISN'T EVEN REASONABLE. I AM REALLY REALLY SAD. AND I HAVE TO LEAVE MY WINDOW SEAT TO GO TO THE MOTHERFUCKING SECOND FLOOR.

another one bites the dust?

nobody knows what the hell is up with Mr Man. I think i've hidden my crazy ;) from him pretty well....but all of a sudden he's *poof* ing on me...he hasn't called in two days (!) , and he postponed the date that we had for tonight until saturday. WTF? whatever. i have no. idea. what to do in this situation ...where we're in some sort of limbo? so i am going to not think about it for awhile. attempt to "go with the flow"...yeah. that'll happen.
i dreamt about Marc again last night - that somehow or another we were IM ing each other, and he goes "man, if i had only known that you had IM, we'd still be together!" nice.
I also dreamt that i had a baby. like, there was just one in my arms, kinda monkey-like, and I really liked it. huh.

also

he finally added me to his top eight.

blah.
i feel rather apathetic about it all today. maybe that's a good thing. this day consists of such things as laundry. yay. I helped my friend Carrie purchase things for her friend's wedding this weekend..apparently lots of people get married labor day weekend! I wanted to purchase a headband at the jewelry store we went to ("so good"...it isn't really...) ~headbands are the new fashion accessory at GCA. must. resist. fashion. trend.
i went to a very long meeting this morning, and offered to move up to the fourth floor. this would put me in a better seat - people wise- but i would lose my incredible window seat. that is, my incredible window seat that creates such a glare on my screen that i can't see purple, dark red, or brown lines. ...very frustrating!
I think i found someone to give me their Structures 1 textbook. woohoo! more money to drink with.

green eyed monster

as you know, that's me.
oh goody! J is moving upstairs to sit in the same pod as all. my. friends.
this is crazy. i'm being ridiculous. jesus christ. i just have this overwhelming feeling of hatred towards her. must. get. past. this.
~got invited to hot yoga with her and Katie. maybe i'll go.
or maybe i'll just take a big fat chill pill.

yeah, okay.

huh. so. it's really chilly out. it's like 60 degrees. i can't believe this is late august weather. the days are already getting dramatically shorter- now it's dark around 730, when a month ago it was 830.. i guess this makes sense, as during the winter it's dark around 400.
i ran yesterday! why? because i told myself i couldn't do it. it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, but i still cannot breathe when i run. like, at all. i am 99 percent sure i have some sort of exercise-induced asthma, which just makes me frustrated that i've never had that checked out. well, i have a doctor's appt. in a month and i'll talk to her then.
so, now i'm thinking that i shouldn't pursue this thing with mr. man. why? because i don't think i could be happy in the long run with someone who cannot try new things. i would list the ways here, but it would just be redundant. i just don't think he'd be the sort of person who would happily relocate out of the country or to SC. but, i do like him, quite a bit. i just wish he weren't so set in his ways....unless they are MY ways, then he can be set. whatever.

yeah, okay.

You may already know this

but this is apparently just a blog to bitch in. so, this isn't actually something. this, this is nothing.
but at least it makes me feel better.
Sept. 6 is the day i am officially officially officially not not not project support not ever again.
and then people won't be like "yeah, i see you're drafting...but would you mind...please print out these 40 billion pages and then fax them all yadda yadda yadda.

update on nothing at all

1. I was talking to my friend K who is friends with Miss J (all here at GCA) and apparently J has told K all about her new roomate but somehow neglected to mention that i was dating him. I am glad the air has cleared between K and I, we stopped hanging out after the incident, due to the fact that she was friends with S.
2. Tomorrow is the One month anniversary of the first day Mr. Man and I met. i highly doubt that he knows this.
3. I hate constantly being filled with doubt. it couldn't possibly be unhealthier. that sucks. i really need to change my attitude. i think that will just come with time. or xanax.
(jk)

monday

ah. monday. i dreamt that it was friday. So, let's see. end of last week i was upset due to the J factor, and the idea that maybe Mr Man didn't actually care for me at all, due to a) he's been bad at picking up the phone when i call, and, well, that was pretty much it. then, on friday/saturday, i got really upset due to this chain of events:
i'm out with Robyn and members of her firm, downtown, and i'm like "well, maybe Mr Man would like to join us for a drink" so i text him, asking that. he responds an hour later with "maybe later...just walked in...where are you?" so i text back "currently at foley's, heading to People's Republic to meet Jess at 8:00"
so i head over to cambridge, grab Kat, and we go across the street to the aforementioned dive bar. Jess is running late. no word from the dude. so, reasonably enough, i decide to get trashed. and i talk kat into it too. and Jess, when she shows up. Long story short, he texts at about 10:00 saying "i think i'm just gonna stay in tonight"...
the three of us eventually cross the street again at about 1:00, after learning that the roof our our building was on fire two weeks ago, and kat got asked out, and i ran into someone i work with, and we got invited to three seperate parties....
the next day, in the mid afternoon (after mostly recovering from the imminent hangover), i talked to mr man, and he says that actually, he didn't stay in last night, he decided to go out with J. so, i talk about this issue at length with jess and kat, and come to the conclusion that if i don't talk to him about this, i'm just going to have to break up with him.
head over to his condo at like 6:00, discuss this with him (he has no idea that i feel like he's being unresponsive, he feels that he wasn't being covert about the previous evening because he told me about hanging out with her). The conclusion reached was that he will call more often, and no, i really shouldn't be concerned about J. i mean, I am, but i guess i'm just going to have to see how this all pans out...i'm not concerned about them becoming romantically involved, i'm concerned that his priorities are not going to favor me. and i don't want them to talk about me. and i don't want them to be friends. at all. so there.
but then i hung out all day and she was definitely there so she definitely saw us together. Like, a lot. Stay 'way from my man, bitch!

yeah well

you fit into me
like a hook into an eye

a fish hook
an open eye

~Margaret Atwood

yeah well. i am tired of all this. who wants to ditch this loser country with me?

told ya

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give and take equally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

the parent trap, part one thousand

well, i decided to respond to one of my father's emails today...i just don't understand how "do not contact me" can be misconstrued as "contact me lots and lots"....dude, it's not like i'm playing hard to get here....common theme in my life...
so anyway i emailed him and asked him, essentially, what on earth he wants from me.
god i'm glad i don't live anywhere near them anymore.

jealousy and laundry

so, the J Factor continues to annoy me. a lot. to the extent that i am reevaluating this! par example: so J and I , as it turns out, are both on the same project now, as discovered yesterday during the team meeting. Last night, when Mr Man calls at his normal time of 945, we're chatting, chat chat chat, and i'm like "oh! so as it turns out, J is on Louisville with me also!" and he goes "yeah, i know, she told me"
... perhaps this wouldn't be so weird if not for the fact that she and I don't talk, but apparently we both talk to him about each other. i'm so over it. So, i'm like "do you think you guys will get along? (already knowing the answer), and he goes "yeah, i mean, i'm sure it'll be fine at least the first couple months until the new roomate smell wears off and all the cute things she does start to annoy me" um hi. in what world exactly is it okay to discuss the cute things any other woman does unless it is your mother or your sister. Does it not sound like he is discussing a girlfriend? This blows. I think i'd feel better about this if J and I talked, EVER, about this. or, if like, we all hung out together....it's the mystery dynamic. But I don't need to date someone who makes me feel like a jealous bitch all the time. If only I knew what to do in this situation....suggestions, s'il vous plait?

also, i am aware of the fact that i am a pretty fricken insecure person when it comes to relationships, and can even drive people away with said insecurities...(Re: the incident, of May '06) i think i have a strong foundation in not trusting people at all.

this title is for you, Miss Messica

though Miss M had a shitty morning, i didn't, because she stopped by during lunch and purchased me an ice cream :)
so is it time to put "in a relationship" on my myspace profile? is this something i should discuss with him? i mean, it's been about 3 1/2 weeks...making it my most successful relationship since....Dickless Click. except, i actually like Mr Man and don't have to resort to devious plans to make myself like him more....leading to horrible slapping incidents. I just read the statistic that in 1960, 65% of college educated women were "willing to marry a man they didn't love, provided that he had most of the things on 'their list'"
huh.
so yes. tomorrow i cook him dinner, and he'll meet the roomie. and fix my computer. and internet connection.

um, okay. yessss he called back. his reasoning for not picking up the phone was that he was in the mall...(??) (read previous post where i said that he shops a lot) he bought video games...though he claims that he "rarely plays his (insert gaming apparatus here)

so i am going to cook him dinner on wednesday...upon request, i am making Macaroni and Cheese. no, really. but from scratch, if that makes it less....whatever. but now all of a sudden i am nervous about my mac and cheese capabilities, considering that a) i really like this guy, and b) he is the pickiest eater i've ever ever met....and that includes you, La!

kat and i went to Tavern on the Square again last night...it's funny, i thought that when i moved there i would just be hanging out at The People's Republic (a dive/commie bar...) but instead we always walk the extra block to the preppy bar. there's no other adjective for it. it's good though, quasi fancy food and martinis at a not terrible price. i think i've memorized their menu.

I really like having a roommate again. it is just pleasant having a friend around that often...and a very sharp-witted one.

today is all about Louisville - more work on the door schedule and team meetings. (the project we're doing in louisville is several high-rise luxury condos.) It seems like my company is trying to take over the world...we're bidding on projects in Tuscaloosa and Salt Lake City right now. And we're doing something for Emory. I like that we have work (duh, otherwise i'd be out of a job) but I feel on so many levels that local architects should be doing these jobs. I mean, it's not like we have a huge, apparent design philosophy that transcends place...like Gehry or Andao...
as far as i can tell, our major design philosophy is "include a giant glass curtainwall/atrium" so i don't know. we're expanding by leaps and bounds - it seems like every week there's one or two new folk...in another year, i will be looking for a job with a small firm.

louisville doors are boring! boring i say! overall, that is 32 floors of doors! (there's no floor 13 because that's bad luck)
door schedule THIS!

so i accidentally locked my phone this morning while doing nothing at all, then spent several minutes trying every possible combination of numbers which have ever meant anything at all to me. So then i was like 'aaaah, kat! what does this mean?" and kat said "it means you can't call anyone. they can call you, unless your phone is satan. then all bets are off" so i said "ooh, i can't call anyone? that will just make me more desirable."

and then we danced to Fergie's london london bridge coming down.

(real lyrics):

I'm Fergie Ferg
Give me love you long time
All my girls get down on the floor
Back to back drop it down real low
I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho
Because you know what, I don't give a f***
So here we go!
Chorus (x2)
How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge want to go down
Like London London want you to go down
Like London London be going down

soy yogurt is weird. not bad, but weird. kinda mucous-y.
so yesterday was Fiesta del Taco in Jamaica Plain with the roomie's friends, a very nice, levelheaded bunch. On the way in, we couldn't find the apartment of the party and had to call ...as it turns out, L. had taped a little piece of paper saying "Fiesta!" on top of the nameplate by the door buzzer. and we had completely skimmed over it, blockheads as we are.

the herpes on my face is almost gone.

ooh, still feeling like death in a bucket :(
we installed cable in my room yesterday - i've never really had a tv in my room, much less cable, so i didn't know what it would be like, but it's amazing. i can so totally see myself spending winter snuggled under my down comforter and watching, oh, Girls Next Door. it's really just a terrible...addiction...i'm fascinated by the harem of Hef's girlfriends. Holly is my favorite, but i also really enjoy kendra because she's a fucking idiot. the other one i don't care for.

Fergie love you long time. what does this mean??? "everytime you come around,
my london london bridge wanna go down?" it's as big of a mystery as the meaning of the Milkshake, eg: "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. damn right, it's better than yours" ...is it referencing panties? she wears london flag panties as she is stomping all over the banquet table.

so sweet!

so here i am feeling all blah and death like and slightly (but not totally) pissed off because Mr. Man postponed our date for tonight, when he calls and is like "hey, are you being productive?" and i'm like "yeah, mostly" and he's like "wanna be less productive? i'm at the starbucks across the street" so i snuck out of the office and met him for coffee so sweet.
~boys are so funny...M. used to drive up in the alley behind the office and i'd run out and give him a kiss in the middle of the workday....must.stop. comparing. previous. boyfriends.
Mr.manl goes tanning. isn't that funny?

a haiku

today i am ill
i have various ailments
including cold sores.

this makes it much worse
being at the office and
drawing up floor plans.

drink Emergen-C,
pick up antibiotics.
What a lame friday.

date is now postponed.
i am too ill for much fun
anyway. boo how.

i feel like death in a bucket. all i want to do is crawl under the covers and sleep. i am glad i have a doctors appointment coming up. i think it is all psychosomatic. or maybe, like the chicken and the egg, i got sick first and that is stressing me out.
pout
pout

blood money.
my parents sent me a card with 50 dollars in it.
that's really fucked up.

yar. busy busy busy busy busy i hate to be this busy i have to go to my advising appointment. which i don't want to go to. whine. whine. whine.
i went shopping during lunch. sometimes i do that. i bought a skirt and pajama pants.
i think i am getting a cold sore. that's messed up. how can i kiss mr man if i have herpes simplex one on my lip?
i can't. i am pissed.

well, this is exciting! i get to take my first field visit! i am going to Roger Williams tomorrow to help annie punchlist the new dining center which is nearing completion! it is in Bristol, Rhode Island. i am psyched :)
the bad news is that this is exactly when registration is taking place....it opens at 10 am tomorrow morning....so i'll have to figure it out :(

justin timberlake is a sexy sexy beast.

so. i am that girl who flips the f out if she doesn't hear from her boy constantly. apparently. so yes, paul is now my myspace friend. and we have plans to meet up tonight and friday (we all know how i feel about advance planning). i super freaked out yesterday because i tried to call him at 9 ish and he didn't pick up the phone. i spent exactly half an hour whining and moaning to jess and kat about how i was never ever going to date - much less have sex- ever ever again. then he called me back at 930.
it's his own damn fault, he's the one that set the precedent of every-day communication! and, in relationships as in municipalities, once the precedent is set...
i had like 2 really bad dreams last night - the first was that this chick kinsey from college who i haven't thought about in ages and ages and i were stuck in a riptide in the ocean - but it was a weird one where we were just skimming over the waves really fast and the waves were kind of frozen in place. I was trying to get the message to her that you shouldn't try to swim back to the shore if you are caught in a riptide, you should swim parallel to the shore.
the second nightmare, i was walking down this long, tree lined boulevard, with the knowledge that my parents had just had a fight and left in different cars in front of me....and steven was in the car with my mother. THEN, they crashed into one another and everyone died. and i was like "my whole family is gone!" but then it created this pile up of crashing cars and i had to run to avoid being hit by all of these out-of-control cars. i'm gonna say that that dream was slightly symbolic...

i shouldn't be allowed to have a blog. i abuse it.
so the dealio with the dude is that his roomate is a girl i work with. this is the second time that i've dated somebody that was a friend of a girl at work. i'm going to be that girl who dates other people's friends...although i have been reassured that that's not actually something to worry about.
so for the next two weeks i am ALMOST strickly project support, due to somebody's freak out tattle fest that i've been too busy drafting to file her papers. big fat triple wah.

at least it's really pretty outside today.

well, i've done it. i've invited him to be my 'friend'...i suppose it's some sort of litmus test.
you know, you shouldn't have to wonder if the people that you're sleeping with will associate with you online.
stay tuned, kiddos.

oh, and dude. he goes shopping ALL the time. isn't that weird?

now that i have a *super secret* blog, i can blog about Mr. Man.
we met like 2 weeks ago, and have spent quite a bit of time together.
he's really nice. and really sweet. except for the fact that he thought it was okay to not call me either sat. night or sunday night!!! WTF? granted, i saw him saturday morning, but ...come on. Constant Vigilance, my friend. So then i became Pissed Off Sara. As many of my friends and/or roomate know, because of course i obsessed about it for ever and ever. asshole. then he emailed me this am, at like 930, and was like "how was your weekend, i didn't do much.." and, i'm sorry, but come on....it wasn't even like he was too busy to call! This is compounded by the other drama in all this, which involves coworkers and margaritas....that'll be next blog.

so, that is my obsessive statement about Mr. Man, now i can add him to be my friend on myspace :) ~see why i needed a super secret blog~

well, this is something. or is it?
i'm checking this out b/c i have obsessively blogged on myspace for a while now, but now i am tired of so many of my "friends" being able to read my thoughts. henceforth....