custom concern for the people

so i just ignored my window schedule to reread my blog, and have come to this conclusion: 85% of my worries lie with either men or architecure...at least, that's all i apparently want to talk about. Some of the remainder is focused on the weather.

some bright morning....

danger! danger! danger!
i seem to be in the midst of a running dialogue with marc. i emailed him on his birthday, he (surprisingly) wrote back....etc. I know that it is really, really obvious that i should not talk to him...what could happen? "oh, i've changed my mind, you really should move across the world to be with me (or vice versa) and also my (ahem) skills in the sack have increased dramatically?" ...ok, i guess the last part of that is superfluous, but....a girl can dream, can't she?
i mean it only took me like a million years (and two failed semi-relationships) to get over him....so ...i can't seem to finish my thought process so i'll leave it at that but he does seem very skilled at breaking my heart. i feel like i'm dipping a toe into the warning zone.


anyway,
good things include:
1. beautiful sunny fall day
2. no project managers in today
3. bargleshnartz

i can tell by your face

good things
1. i think i may be kind of slightly just a tad bit perhaps on the verge of understanding structures. at least, structures 1. next semester is a whoooolllle new ball game.
2. i like my projects at work. i like preservation. i don't know if i'll stay with it, but even though it's a narrower field, this move seems like it has the possibility of opening up lots of doors. and the preservation group here is really, really pleasant to work with. and most of them are out of the office until tuesday :)
3. my gray cloud lifted. thank god. i was worried that it would stay. and sue brought in a super fancy yummy office breakfast and it's friday and it's sunny.

bad things:
will spend weekend stressing over studio. if i can, what i intend to do is wake up early tomorrow, shoot pictures at the esplanade, then come to my office and work on my analysis for awhile. I wish that i could just do this all at home, but i would put myself in the poorhouse trying to buy all the programs i need (CAD, photoshop...) plus a color printer and a plotter. so, i am very, very lucky to have the job that i do - that gives me the opportunity to work (school-wise) here. So saturday - analysis, and Sunday - model day. oooh! and we get an extra hour on sunday! sweet!
i dreamt that paul stole my wallet.
So, here's a random part of my life that i apparently want to share:
every thursday, i leave work early - around 5pm, to go straight to Structures Tutoring before class. this is tricky, because that means that i work 8 hours, talk a 15 minute walk, go to tutoring for 2 hours, then go straight to class for 3. One thing about tutoring....everybody goes. We have our own self made group on thursday of ~10 peeps, and the tutor - mark, who is bald and yet also has a long flowing mane of hair stemming from the outskirts of his head. He makes things make sense. It's incredible, every tutoring session, the Structures professor (who has the initials KGB, btw) glances in and smiles, as if to say "aww, look at all my gung-ho hardworking students!" instead of "hey, look! two thirds of the class (hat i teach) are completely fricken lost" But, the strange thing is how much i've grown to enjoy tutoring. we all work on our Homework, muttering numbers to ourselves, cursing, and erasing furiously, but it's such a sense of satisfaction when you get a problem right! it's this funny little community of people all in the exact same boat i am - trying to balance school and get ahead at work and live in this city and have a social life....and still struggling with Static physics! it's a very nice feeling of belonging.
As is, i sort of straddle these two very separate things, and really the only people that TRULY 'get it' are people doing the same thing....laskdhfosudhgjfg;lkjsd
so that's all. hope y'all don't think i'm too stuck on myself...i just don't actually want to start doing REAL work yet.

i'm your brave little toaster

dfhgdfshsgfjrsy

good things:
1. i talked to my brother! since the first time since may! i'm so happy about that...and he doesn't sound bad. his girlfriend has gotten him to quit drinking for awhile, apparently it's been 5 weeks. Now, he's still a pot head, in fact, he was totally smoking a bowl while he was talking to me (either that or he's developed a very odd pattern of breathing)...but he sounds good. and he's theoretically graduating this spring and he is going to get a job. i'm glad that he's not still talking about grad school. and, hell. he's managed to hold on to the same girlfriend for two years, and she's a smart cookie.....so. it was a HUGE relief to talk to him.

2. I got an email from marc this morning. not entirely unexpected, as i wrote to wish him happy birthday several days ago. He also seems to be doing well, he's currently motorcycling through northern Viet Nam. I am so envious! maybe after i graduate i'll pull a marc and just go live in a random place for awhile.

3. It appears that i will have lots of time to work on my studio project this weekend, especially since i kind of have a direction to go in now.

bad things:
i am in a gray cloud.

tuesday

so. an update on the paul situation. I really, really wish that he hadn't tried to get back in touch with me. He called last night, luckily i was in class, and i didn't return his call. i almost feel that i need to explain myself to him (what, another break up talk?) but i think if i were to do that, it would be opening it up for discussion. which it really really isn't. but then, of course, there is the part of me that would take him back purely for the vindication value of it all....haHA! I WIN!....but i know that i wouldn't be winning.
i hate how sometimes, my entire emotional state is determined by guys. or rather, by my reaction to guys.
on a side note, i have purchased two pairs of high heeled boots. they aren't big high heels, i would say 2 inches, but it's a big deal for me. i haven't worn high heels on a regular basis since i left for italy. Though for many, they are just a choice of footwear, for me it feels like a statement....heels push me over the 6'-0" mark. which, in turn, makes people look at me. and apparently, gives them permission to say things like "wow, you're wearing heels?" (if i know them), or "damn, girl, you're tall" (if it's, per say, a bum on the street). and let me just say, thank YOU, captain obvious, for rearing your ridiculous little head.

things i hate

everything.
i hate everything.
that is all.

venting on a beautiful monday morning

I am an intern. I have not finished any degree in architecture. i am getting there, but what this means is that i OFTEN NEED ACTUAL INSTRUCTION. For example:
"Scott, im drawing a interior elevation of this room. what is this (in the plan)"
"That's a window"
"how do i know how tall it is?"
"at this point, you can look at the exterior elevation"
(15 minute interlude where i comb through the set locating the exterior elevation of this particular room)
"hey scott, what are the guidelines for drawing a section of the window?"
"Look at the building section"
"the what?"
(15 minute interlude where i comb through the building elevations in an attempt to locate a section of this window)
"Scott, what if there is none? and what happens if the window is taller than the room?"
"Yes there is one"
"NO, there isn't"
"oh. Then just draw it to the size of the room"
"what do you mean? shrink it to fit the room?"
"no, just stop drawing it at the ceiling"
" how do the two intersect"
"just draw a rectangle for the window. At Quarter scale, you don't need detail"
"WHAT?"
so i just spent an hour drawing something involved for NO reason because nobody will take the time to actually instruct me, even when I ASK for detailed instructions. I swear it's like trying to piece together a GD puzzle.

goodbye weekend

so i just saw this other blog where this chick in GB writes a blog everyday about three things that made her happy. i think that's a healthy thing to do! so,
1. going to the esplanade to sketch during a beautiful new england fall day
2. having a stranger tell me that I am beautiful
3. having the time to cook dinner (chicken, pasta and wine)

there. alas, tho tomorrow is a holiday, i will be going to work- but i may take friday off to work on studio. we have a "sketch problem" this upcoming saturday, which is this rediculous 12 hour class at school that we have to go to once a semester. and that takes up the whole fricken weekend!!! ah well. i am thinking that i will treat myself to a scone on the way to work in the morning :) and tomorrow is supposed to get up to the mid seventies!

thursday is not such a bad day

Ahhh, thursday. Well, on the bright side of things, I was just doing a little morning myspacing while eating my yogurt at my desk, and then i was like..."huh...i feel like i've neglected something - what could it be?" and then i realized that I hadn't thought about paul all morning! Go me! I think seeing his profile back up on Match.com made me realize that he is a tool. eye roll.
Yesterday I managed to go to structures tutoring and go home and do some studio work...it's tricky to find a way to balance all this, especially since my classes are so demanding this semester. I've also finally come up with some ideas for my "transformation model," which was assigned on monday and is due this monday. We're all required to visit our instructor at her firm to discuss our models with her...she works at Richardson Shepley, also downtown. It is the oldest architecture firm in the country, and was started by HH Richardson in the late 19th century. HH Richardson is the architect of Trinity Church, and the founder (obviously) of the style Richardsonian Romanesque.
That was a little off track, but it is cool. My instructor has big big goals. She fully intends to be a principal at her firm within the next five years, and is taking steps to ensure that. Personally, I do not have such lofty goals. Granted, I don't have enough experience to come up with my own design theory yet, but Mostly, I want to be an architect in an itty bitty little firm...maybe one of my own...and i want to have enough time to raise a family and do things like have hobbies. And go to dinner parties and cocktail parties...i think i chose the right profession - architects are drunks.

random thoughts

well, just another blog about nothing at all. Studio is keeping me very, very busy. This week we get to start designing our boathouse :) ..actually, first we have to do a site analysis....but close enough. Structures is still kicking my butt; thank god for tutors. Other than that, nothing is going on. The leaves are changing colors. I really like greek yogurt. The hot guy in my studio is engaged....damnit! i saw his fiance. she is not hot. but she sure does have a big ol' ring on her hand. and bad skin. so i guess my mini itty bitty crush has to go by the wayside...sigh. how come there are no cute single guys at my work?
Unions keep picketing around here....there's a lot of strikes up here! the strikes are usually kind of laughable...like right now, across the street, there's two guys with sandwich boards on/