let's see. clif bars are yummy, but not nearly as yummy as lara bars. i love foods that come in bars. and i got a box of the new fiber one breakfast bars or whatever, and they are sooooo good. seriously. they are like the sugariest candy bar ever...with 9 grams of fiber and only 140 calories! they are much better for you (me) than, per se, GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. it is very easy not to buy cookies in the grocery store, and very difficult to not buy them from the office manager when it is 3pm and you're bored and a little hungry.
Last night, cousin lora came over, which was VERY exciting, because her job has forced her to ...well, WORK all the time (for the time being, something something beta something going live something something code.) and we went to Zuzu for their hummus plate but they called it the Zuzu Pupu platter, and it came with fire, and grape leaves and baba ganoush and chicken brik and lots of other foods that were highly spiced, as well as some sort of creamy cheese that came with black olives that i first thought was vile, until i ate enough of the other stuff so that the cheese seemed less flavorful somehow. then we got back to the apt., and it was only 7:30, completely my theory that yesterday was the longiest day in the entire world. ever.
kat and i watched DanceLife on MTV, because they showed footage of Boston and they played augustana's "boston"...of course they did. and it was weird to see like, our city on tv like that, but then they switched to footage of his parent's house out in stoughton (sp?) in the suburbs.
in other news, the amaryllis in the office has bloomed and it is a fiery orange.
and, btw, where is my snow? they SAID it would SNOW. once again...if it is going to be 14 degrees, i would like the opportunity to pelt seth with a snowball or eight.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
c'est très mauvais
my head has become Migraine Central Station. and apparently, it is impossible in this city to see a doctor without waiting at least a month without going to emergency care and paying one hundred million dollars because your insurance doesn't consider your emergency an emergency.
El Sucko. migraines suck. and i was looking them up online earlier, and came across this website about, like, "migraine awareness," which at first was kind of interesting, but it seemed, oh i don't know, to actually glorify them...and was all like "if you suffer from migraine disease...blah blah blah...you are not alone...marcia cross...blah blah blah"
rant. rant.
i had a very nice weekend, even with my two migraines (two?? see why this is a problem?)
it included two Christopher Pike books -( Road to Nowhere and something about pod people), a really good book by my new favorite author Pagan Kennedy, and another book by somebody somebody. i read fast, and often.
also i cooked - i am trying to cook more,( because maybe additives are causing my headaches?) so for dinner last night, i made a morroccan dish, barley with orange and dates. it was SO GOOD! it made me forget all about the spaghetti-O's that i really wanted. i am trying to learn more ways of cooking with grains - next week will be Quinoia (sp?)
Also i went to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum with Mr. Man, and i seriously had a blast...i LOVE IT when guys are a) witty b) smart and c) like art. so, happy!
El Sucko. migraines suck. and i was looking them up online earlier, and came across this website about, like, "migraine awareness," which at first was kind of interesting, but it seemed, oh i don't know, to actually glorify them...and was all like "if you suffer from migraine disease...blah blah blah...you are not alone...marcia cross...blah blah blah"
rant. rant.
i had a very nice weekend, even with my two migraines (two?? see why this is a problem?)
it included two Christopher Pike books -( Road to Nowhere and something about pod people), a really good book by my new favorite author Pagan Kennedy, and another book by somebody somebody. i read fast, and often.
also i cooked - i am trying to cook more,( because maybe additives are causing my headaches?) so for dinner last night, i made a morroccan dish, barley with orange and dates. it was SO GOOD! it made me forget all about the spaghetti-O's that i really wanted. i am trying to learn more ways of cooking with grains - next week will be Quinoia (sp?)
Also i went to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum with Mr. Man, and i seriously had a blast...i LOVE IT when guys are a) witty b) smart and c) like art. so, happy!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
books, beer, and boys
and it is wednesday.
SO, for about three (four?) months now, i have not been able to find a book that i checked out from the library....so, i renewed it about three times, and then, i've just been like "damn it!" and then i have to convince the librarians to lend me books even though i totally lost this other one...which they keep reminding me of. and, to make it just straight up embarrassing, the book i lost was "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus"
thanks. yeah. i know that i still have that book out. yeah, i know that i've exceeded the number of times i can renew it, thanks.
so i finally found it. i am very happy. i am going to return it today.
in addition, i have decided that whenever my relationship gets so sucky that i need to read books about the mysterious ways of men...well, that relationship is taking up too much of my brain power/emotional space and to dump him ASAP.
so, let's see what else...
i walked across the duck pond this morning on the way to work!! it was frozen over, and i saw this other person doing it....so i did too! it was very exciting. (although, to be honest, people at work have been ice skating on it during lunchtime and i brought my skates today so that i can join them) ...some parts of winter are fun! i STILL want it to snow enough that we can go sledding - thanks to miss moss for putting THAT idea in my head!
2. the law student invited me to go the Fogg museum with him on sunday :)
i like museums...and i like guys who like museums. this is turning into a museum WEEK, as tomorrow Googler and i are going to the new ICA (institute of contemporary art) after work...apparently on thursdays there is no admission fee.
and i guess the last bit of news is that my body currently rejects alcohol. sigh. as discovered, four beers are now too many. as is, hangover-time. isn't that ridiculous! am i going to have to be one of those people who goes to parties and remains relatively sober!? this is going to change everything. and i'm going to a beer-expo-fest thing on saturday, thereotically ...will have to see how i handle it. :-
SO, for about three (four?) months now, i have not been able to find a book that i checked out from the library....so, i renewed it about three times, and then, i've just been like "damn it!" and then i have to convince the librarians to lend me books even though i totally lost this other one...which they keep reminding me of. and, to make it just straight up embarrassing, the book i lost was "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus"
thanks. yeah. i know that i still have that book out. yeah, i know that i've exceeded the number of times i can renew it, thanks.
so i finally found it. i am very happy. i am going to return it today.
in addition, i have decided that whenever my relationship gets so sucky that i need to read books about the mysterious ways of men...well, that relationship is taking up too much of my brain power/emotional space and to dump him ASAP.
so, let's see what else...
i walked across the duck pond this morning on the way to work!! it was frozen over, and i saw this other person doing it....so i did too! it was very exciting. (although, to be honest, people at work have been ice skating on it during lunchtime and i brought my skates today so that i can join them) ...some parts of winter are fun! i STILL want it to snow enough that we can go sledding - thanks to miss moss for putting THAT idea in my head!
2. the law student invited me to go the Fogg museum with him on sunday :)
i like museums...and i like guys who like museums. this is turning into a museum WEEK, as tomorrow Googler and i are going to the new ICA (institute of contemporary art) after work...apparently on thursdays there is no admission fee.
and i guess the last bit of news is that my body currently rejects alcohol. sigh. as discovered, four beers are now too many. as is, hangover-time. isn't that ridiculous! am i going to have to be one of those people who goes to parties and remains relatively sober!? this is going to change everything. and i'm going to a beer-expo-fest thing on saturday, thereotically ...will have to see how i handle it. :-
Saturday, January 20, 2007
well, because i said so.
is it SO WRONG that i happen to want everybody, with whom i have ever had anything like a relationship with, to pine for me forever and ever?
i think not.
i think not.
dating is AWESOME. (no sarcasm here)
hmm, so i went on a date last night with the law student...we met at (where else) the commie bar, at 8 pm. he had come all the way from BU, so i felt kind of bad to pick the bar across thestreet (whoopsie)...but not bad enough to choose another bar. and i thought BU was all the way out there on the green line, like BC, but as it turnes out, it's right by kenmore!
so, he didn't mention this before, but he's a Yaley...and somewhat self concious about that. On the bright side, he's very smart, very cultured, has an incredibly dry/self deprecating sense of humor. and he has lived in russia for a couple years - on the downside, he really likes cold weather, and i don't think he really has any "recreational activities"..like tennis or running or anything. but, we have lots of things in common - for instance, we both were in marching band (um, get this : he played the clarinet), we both now play a random stringed instrument, both our parents were big hippies in the sixties, we both love southern italy more than the north. and we both love to travel, and we both know lots of random historical trivia. AND, we already have a second date! so, awesome. although, then, at the end of the date, i let him walk me to the front door, and there was a whole awkward hug/he kissed the air sort of thing. eek.
but then he was like "ok, so...i'll see you..." and I interjected "you'll CALL me..." and he was like "i will Call you...
so, he didn't mention this before, but he's a Yaley...and somewhat self concious about that. On the bright side, he's very smart, very cultured, has an incredibly dry/self deprecating sense of humor. and he has lived in russia for a couple years - on the downside, he really likes cold weather, and i don't think he really has any "recreational activities"..like tennis or running or anything. but, we have lots of things in common - for instance, we both were in marching band (um, get this : he played the clarinet), we both now play a random stringed instrument, both our parents were big hippies in the sixties, we both love southern italy more than the north. and we both love to travel, and we both know lots of random historical trivia. AND, we already have a second date! so, awesome. although, then, at the end of the date, i let him walk me to the front door, and there was a whole awkward hug/he kissed the air sort of thing. eek.
but then he was like "ok, so...i'll see you..." and I interjected "you'll CALL me..." and he was like "i will Call you...
Friday, January 19, 2007
SNOW
it's snowing! FINALLY. maybe i'm more of a "hardy new englander" than i thought - i've been hoping it would snow. I just want the snow for the fun times, like sledding and snowmen and snowangels (look guys, i didn't grow up with the stuff, cut me some slack, huh?)
i do have to say though, i still find it kind of miraculous...instead of an every year sort of thing.
all of a sudden, the word snow looks odd to me. snow. snow. snow. snow.
weird.
today i have to go lunch with my company-given Mentor, D.R.
there's very little that i would like to do less. she is entirely unpleasant, and cannot make conversation to save her LIFE. as IF i want to be like her!
but i do like free lunch!
in other news, i've been moisturizing the shit out of my face. i will be damned if i end up grizzled due to this weather.
i have a date tonight :)
i do have to say though, i still find it kind of miraculous...instead of an every year sort of thing.
all of a sudden, the word snow looks odd to me. snow. snow. snow. snow.
weird.
today i have to go lunch with my company-given Mentor, D.R.
there's very little that i would like to do less. she is entirely unpleasant, and cannot make conversation to save her LIFE. as IF i want to be like her!
but i do like free lunch!
in other news, i've been moisturizing the shit out of my face. i will be damned if i end up grizzled due to this weather.
i have a date tonight :)
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
the hallway smells like steak
which is kind of comical.
tonight, GC is holding a Monograph Party - a study of the works of my firm, in book form. I am excited about it - we all get a copy, and i do love architecture books :)
um, let's see what else. Jess and I got v.v. drunk at the commie bar on saturday, where i may have encountered some swingers. SSSSWWWIIIINGERS!
sunday consisted mostly of sleeping off a hangover. now, it seems that whenever i drink heavily, i end up with a migraine. that sucks - i still like to get drunk but i can't really deal with the repercussions! Then i cooked chicken and dumplings (YUM) but i inadvertantly purchased a chicken with, like, skin and gizzards ((shudder)). so i had to peel the skin off the chicken and ((shudder)) grab the gizzards out of the inside of it. it was a learning experience, to say the LEAST.
not much else is going on, yesterday i met with another preservationist in my office, she had an MA from U. Penn, and is very knowledgeable in the field, as well as knowing an awful lot about different MA programs. She highly suggests that i go to U. Penn or Columbia, just based on their programs and how established they are. (but i don't WANT to stay in the northeast! pout. pout. pout.) but i guess we'll see what i choose to do.
I have a couple decisions/choices to make. One is what i want to do in the field of preservation. there are three options: 1. Planning (management of historically important sites/monuments/buildings, and preservation law) 2. Conservation (hands on knowledge and application of historical materials and methods of building) and 3. Architecture history/academic study (you know what that is. and with that, one would teach).
So i dont' know yet. I currently feel that i want to end up, um, professoring? but i feel like i could end up doing that after having chosen one of the other two. I think preservation planning is more up my ally, but that isn't to say that i don't want to learn conservation. I think USICOMOS deals with conservation, where as the program in Bratislava is based in planning. So if it all pans out, i might get to dig in deeper before i have to decide how to spend my career.
One of my closet friends here at the office gave her notice today. She was a BAC student as well, and at first we held each other up in trying times, then we commiserated, then we each decided to leave the path that we were on....for greener pastures? i don't know. all i know is that i don't choose to spend the next three years struggling to accomplish something that i don't want.
meh. ramble. ramble. ramble.
how am i ever going to get married if i keep changing location? dang it, i'm totally going to be like 32 before i get married. ah well. at least i'll be happy.
tonight, GC is holding a Monograph Party - a study of the works of my firm, in book form. I am excited about it - we all get a copy, and i do love architecture books :)
um, let's see what else. Jess and I got v.v. drunk at the commie bar on saturday, where i may have encountered some swingers. SSSSWWWIIIINGERS!
sunday consisted mostly of sleeping off a hangover. now, it seems that whenever i drink heavily, i end up with a migraine. that sucks - i still like to get drunk but i can't really deal with the repercussions! Then i cooked chicken and dumplings (YUM) but i inadvertantly purchased a chicken with, like, skin and gizzards ((shudder)). so i had to peel the skin off the chicken and ((shudder)) grab the gizzards out of the inside of it. it was a learning experience, to say the LEAST.
not much else is going on, yesterday i met with another preservationist in my office, she had an MA from U. Penn, and is very knowledgeable in the field, as well as knowing an awful lot about different MA programs. She highly suggests that i go to U. Penn or Columbia, just based on their programs and how established they are. (but i don't WANT to stay in the northeast! pout. pout. pout.) but i guess we'll see what i choose to do.
I have a couple decisions/choices to make. One is what i want to do in the field of preservation. there are three options: 1. Planning (management of historically important sites/monuments/buildings, and preservation law) 2. Conservation (hands on knowledge and application of historical materials and methods of building) and 3. Architecture history/academic study (you know what that is. and with that, one would teach).
So i dont' know yet. I currently feel that i want to end up, um, professoring? but i feel like i could end up doing that after having chosen one of the other two. I think preservation planning is more up my ally, but that isn't to say that i don't want to learn conservation. I think USICOMOS deals with conservation, where as the program in Bratislava is based in planning. So if it all pans out, i might get to dig in deeper before i have to decide how to spend my career.
One of my closet friends here at the office gave her notice today. She was a BAC student as well, and at first we held each other up in trying times, then we commiserated, then we each decided to leave the path that we were on....for greener pastures? i don't know. all i know is that i don't choose to spend the next three years struggling to accomplish something that i don't want.
meh. ramble. ramble. ramble.
how am i ever going to get married if i keep changing location? dang it, i'm totally going to be like 32 before i get married. ah well. at least i'll be happy.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
you wanna talk some jive? i'll talk some jive!
oh how i love the royal tenenbaums. isn't that the perfect addition to a rainy winter saturday? books, pjs and the royal tenenbaums?! it's perfect.
yesterday was amazing. I had a business lunch with the Director of Preservation, and then later in the day I met with the Principal of Preservation. They are both amazing women. They are women, like my Aunt, who i aspire to be like. Strong, intelligent and graceful. They have made incredible lives for themselves, and are guiding my way so that i can do so also.
and what is AWESOME is that the principal told me that i was "unflappable" :)
I am very lucky, with my opportunities.
I signed up to a volunteer organization, Boston Cares, which is designed for busy, young professionals - you go to a introductory meeting, then basically whenever you have time to volunteer, you go to the website and can choose what you would like to do. Now that i have time!! (I am officially on a leave of absence from school)
on tuesday my office is holding our monograph party. I really lucked out when i got my job with GC, i had no idea when i got my job, how many grand projects they have done.
yesterday was amazing. I had a business lunch with the Director of Preservation, and then later in the day I met with the Principal of Preservation. They are both amazing women. They are women, like my Aunt, who i aspire to be like. Strong, intelligent and graceful. They have made incredible lives for themselves, and are guiding my way so that i can do so also.
and what is AWESOME is that the principal told me that i was "unflappable" :)
I am very lucky, with my opportunities.
I signed up to a volunteer organization, Boston Cares, which is designed for busy, young professionals - you go to a introductory meeting, then basically whenever you have time to volunteer, you go to the website and can choose what you would like to do. Now that i have time!! (I am officially on a leave of absence from school)
on tuesday my office is holding our monograph party. I really lucked out when i got my job with GC, i had no idea when i got my job, how many grand projects they have done.
you wanna talk some jive? i'll talk some jive!
oh how i love the royal tenenbaums. isn't that the perfect addition to a rainy winter saturday? books, pjs and the royal tenenbaums?! it's perfect.
yesterday was amazing. I had a business lunch with the Director of Preservation, and then later in the day I met with the Principal of Preservation. They are both amazing women. They are women, like my Aunt, who i aspire to be like. Strong, intelligent and graceful. They have made incredible lives for themselves, and are guiding my way so that i can do so also.
and what is AWESOME is that the principal told me that i was "unflappable" :)
I am very lucky, with my opportunities.
I signed up to a volunteer organization, Boston Cares, which is designed for busy, young professionals - you go to a introductory meeting, then basically whenever you have time to volunteer, you go to the website and can choose what you would like to do. Now that i have time!! (I am officially on a leave of absence from school)
on tuesday my office is holding our monograph party. I really lucked out when i got my job with GC, i had no idea when i got my job, how many grand projects they have done.
yesterday was amazing. I had a business lunch with the Director of Preservation, and then later in the day I met with the Principal of Preservation. They are both amazing women. They are women, like my Aunt, who i aspire to be like. Strong, intelligent and graceful. They have made incredible lives for themselves, and are guiding my way so that i can do so also.
and what is AWESOME is that the principal told me that i was "unflappable" :)
I am very lucky, with my opportunities.
I signed up to a volunteer organization, Boston Cares, which is designed for busy, young professionals - you go to a introductory meeting, then basically whenever you have time to volunteer, you go to the website and can choose what you would like to do. Now that i have time!! (I am officially on a leave of absence from school)
on tuesday my office is holding our monograph party. I really lucked out when i got my job with GC, i had no idea when i got my job, how many grand projects they have done.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
selavy
tricky.
so yeah, i apparently have a wild hair which i am going to follow.
also, i think it is AWESOME that preservation offers so many opportunities. It's funny, to think that this is what i've ended up focusing for my career/scholastic endeavors....relatives like to say that my inspiration has come from my parents. What they mean is that my parents have spent their married life purchasing and renovating "old houses", and then renting or selling them for a profit. I think this is amusing because most weekends growing up, my brother and i served as cheap labor - stripping walls, painting, grouting, general cleaning...and OH how i hated it! and i still don't really see any connection.
sorry, that was a tangent.
so yes, i am displeased with the education that i am receiving, i am not married to my job (for that matter, i am not married) ....and i don't feel at this time that i want to be a practicing architect. i am not leaving the field, i am just focusing on h.p. and damn! look at all the opportunities that i have to take advantage of, right now, while i am untethered.
so wish me luck. this should be interesting.
so yeah, i apparently have a wild hair which i am going to follow.
also, i think it is AWESOME that preservation offers so many opportunities. It's funny, to think that this is what i've ended up focusing for my career/scholastic endeavors....relatives like to say that my inspiration has come from my parents. What they mean is that my parents have spent their married life purchasing and renovating "old houses", and then renting or selling them for a profit. I think this is amusing because most weekends growing up, my brother and i served as cheap labor - stripping walls, painting, grouting, general cleaning...and OH how i hated it! and i still don't really see any connection.
sorry, that was a tangent.
so yes, i am displeased with the education that i am receiving, i am not married to my job (for that matter, i am not married) ....and i don't feel at this time that i want to be a practicing architect. i am not leaving the field, i am just focusing on h.p. and damn! look at all the opportunities that i have to take advantage of, right now, while i am untethered.
so wish me luck. this should be interesting.
it's all so...so...exit-ing
wheels are in motion, folks.
I'm switching it up.
Coming this August, i am leaving Boston.
I am applying to two different internships abroad, one for three months, one for a year. then i intend on transfering to a different grad school, in a WARMER part of the country.
This is all very exciting, and i would like to write more, but it is 6:05 and i am going to leave work now. oh yeah.
I'm switching it up.
Coming this August, i am leaving Boston.
I am applying to two different internships abroad, one for three months, one for a year. then i intend on transfering to a different grad school, in a WARMER part of the country.
This is all very exciting, and i would like to write more, but it is 6:05 and i am going to leave work now. oh yeah.
Monday, January 08, 2007
sfhhfgh
fine. three good things. to make me appreciate yadda yadda yadda
1. i don't have class tonight
2. i didn't eat the entire box of candy that somebody dropped off in our pod.
3. LH agreed to write letters of recommendation for me.
i have been so. sleepy. all day today.
as far as i can tell, marc is a harbringer of doom. or maybe it's just the winter. fuck winter. i don't care if it's remarkably warm this year, it's still very grey and dark. and for anyone (ME) who is apt to lapse dramatically, instantly into pits of depression, well.....blah. blah blah blah.
1. i don't have class tonight
2. i didn't eat the entire box of candy that somebody dropped off in our pod.
3. LH agreed to write letters of recommendation for me.
i have been so. sleepy. all day today.
as far as i can tell, marc is a harbringer of doom. or maybe it's just the winter. fuck winter. i don't care if it's remarkably warm this year, it's still very grey and dark. and for anyone (ME) who is apt to lapse dramatically, instantly into pits of depression, well.....blah. blah blah blah.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
a pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
oh. my. god. so i did pilates yesterday for the second time. Mind you, the first time was two and a half years ago, so i had forgotten why i hated it so much. so, yesterday, i rememebered! it's because it is hell! hell, hell, hell.
i mean, i'm sure it works fricken wonders for your body, the chick who was running the show had a slam-tastic body, but geez. is it worth it? 5 minutes in, and i was cursing this little idea of mine. and so today, everything hurts. like, not a little ...a lot.
i am having a hard time adjusting to being back at work.
i decided i wanted to be just like jess so i decided to give up something for january also. i am giving up bread! (dairy is just too damn hard. and it's been drilled into my head that dairy is good for me). i can't imagine that it'll make too much of a difference in my life. it's not like i eat a loaf of bread for lunch or anything.
i broke my ipod but the magic appleman in india fixed it magically over the phone. and then i was happy.
seth doesn't seem to be thrilled that he gets to sit next to me. i may have to break up with him. i miss JTT. JTT knew everything. seth only knows how to antagonize me.
i am still slightly sad but getting better. and i am trying not to dwell. dwell dwell dwell.
i mean, i'm sure it works fricken wonders for your body, the chick who was running the show had a slam-tastic body, but geez. is it worth it? 5 minutes in, and i was cursing this little idea of mine. and so today, everything hurts. like, not a little ...a lot.
i am having a hard time adjusting to being back at work.
i decided i wanted to be just like jess so i decided to give up something for january also. i am giving up bread! (dairy is just too damn hard. and it's been drilled into my head that dairy is good for me). i can't imagine that it'll make too much of a difference in my life. it's not like i eat a loaf of bread for lunch or anything.
i broke my ipod but the magic appleman in india fixed it magically over the phone. and then i was happy.
seth doesn't seem to be thrilled that he gets to sit next to me. i may have to break up with him. i miss JTT. JTT knew everything. seth only knows how to antagonize me.
i am still slightly sad but getting better. and i am trying not to dwell. dwell dwell dwell.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
i'm sure she's been true to you
i am back at work. i can't seem to get over yesterday.
it was wonderful and absolutely awful to see marc yesterday. he was thinner and seemed taller and older. less idealistic. his hairline is receding, but he wears his hair kind of shaggy. he was almost exactly like i remember, and okay, clearly i still have feelings for him, and it just kind of served to break my heart a little bit more. I knew it would have this effect, i knew exactly how i would feel when he left again, but i never even entertained the thought of not seeing him when he asked me to. are you kidding? I've been waiting to see him again for nine months! it was exactly what i wanted.
he told me about Hanoi, and cambodia, and the beaches, and he told me about the first time he saw malnourished babies with round bellies. he talked about the rats, and about the chaos he found in morocco, and how he will never move back to the united states again, not ever.
i asked if he had seven vietnamese girlfriends, and he said that he had none, and asked if i had seven vietnamese boyfriends. i said yes, they are in the hall closet. they are little so they don't take up much space. and then we kissed. of course. and it was exactly how it used to be.
later, in the marc-est of ways, he asked me "if i am your brain right now, what would i be saying?" and i said " i wish you didn't want to live in Viet Nam, or i wish you were the sort of person who had let me be the reason why you hadn't ever moved to Vietnam."
~i wanted to say it. when we were together i had never said any of these things because i knew that his mind was made up, and i regretted it.~
he said it was just the first part that would have to be different, but it is not.
and then later, as he was tying his shoes, he said "I think a good part of the success of relationships depends on timing, and we are a perfect example of bad timing. it was never about whether i liked you enough to stay...but i had already decided to do this by the time we met"
and so i said "thank you" and he said "it's the truth"
so. you see why it was so intense.
i hate how he makes me feel, but at the same time i love that i can have such strong emotions.
and it felt really good to realize that i had made an impact on him. that he had missed me.
asshole.
it was wonderful and absolutely awful to see marc yesterday. he was thinner and seemed taller and older. less idealistic. his hairline is receding, but he wears his hair kind of shaggy. he was almost exactly like i remember, and okay, clearly i still have feelings for him, and it just kind of served to break my heart a little bit more. I knew it would have this effect, i knew exactly how i would feel when he left again, but i never even entertained the thought of not seeing him when he asked me to. are you kidding? I've been waiting to see him again for nine months! it was exactly what i wanted.
he told me about Hanoi, and cambodia, and the beaches, and he told me about the first time he saw malnourished babies with round bellies. he talked about the rats, and about the chaos he found in morocco, and how he will never move back to the united states again, not ever.
i asked if he had seven vietnamese girlfriends, and he said that he had none, and asked if i had seven vietnamese boyfriends. i said yes, they are in the hall closet. they are little so they don't take up much space. and then we kissed. of course. and it was exactly how it used to be.
later, in the marc-est of ways, he asked me "if i am your brain right now, what would i be saying?" and i said " i wish you didn't want to live in Viet Nam, or i wish you were the sort of person who had let me be the reason why you hadn't ever moved to Vietnam."
~i wanted to say it. when we were together i had never said any of these things because i knew that his mind was made up, and i regretted it.~
he said it was just the first part that would have to be different, but it is not.
and then later, as he was tying his shoes, he said "I think a good part of the success of relationships depends on timing, and we are a perfect example of bad timing. it was never about whether i liked you enough to stay...but i had already decided to do this by the time we met"
and so i said "thank you" and he said "it's the truth"
so. you see why it was so intense.
i hate how he makes me feel, but at the same time i love that i can have such strong emotions.
and it felt really good to realize that i had made an impact on him. that he had missed me.
asshole.
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