my god.

In a month, i will be in slovakia.


like actually IN SLOVAKIA.


last night i dreamt that i woke up in the train station in Bratislava. In the dream, i reasoned with myself that CLEARLY I must have fallen asleep in real life, then sleepwalked to the airport, where i sleep-purchased a plane ticket, and flew overseas. In the dream, i decided that i better head to where my program is, so i withdrew some euro and found my way to the embassy.


from that dream, i segued into another. In dream 2, i realized that i was dreaming. I thought to myself, "i can do anything i want!" and so i decided to fly. I never fly in my dreams...i fall.
So i this dream i started running as fast as i could, and I spread my arms and took flight. I flew over green hills, and it was a beautiful, sunny day.

dreams + dames

~when you don't respond,
i think that you are with HER.
I dreamt last night of rats.

Of Rats, and mansions, and your girlfriend from Goa.

This morning when i woke,
I took the time to look up Goa
in the dictionary~

Can i start you off this evening with a drink?

Pretty, no?
So here is where I waitress.
I've been working about a week, but it's been good for me. i have found that i dread work, only to get there and the time flies: just like the gym. The staff is large and friendly, the money is good, the clientele isn't the worst.
To an extent, i feel somewhat silly - I've told everyone there that I am from Here, but then i moved to boston for two years after college, where I worked in architecture. I state that i couldn't see myself pursuing that career any furthur, and New England is far too cold, so I have moved home; I am waiting tables in order to "re-evaluate." They don't know about slovakia, i can't TELL them about slovakia (how could i? "Please please hire me for six weeks?") So i feel like something of a deadbeat in the way that i am presenting myself. Sigh. Swallow it.
I have found that no one is judging me (at least to my face). Most of the waitstaff is from the southeast and nod with their eyebrows raised when i mention the dread winter of boston. Strangely enough, one of the girls i work with was in Chorus with me at my first high school, when i was in ninth grade. I would say that 99% of the waitstaff is in their mid-to-late twenties, which is fun. The boys flirt with me, and the girls are friendly and helpful. It's an energetic environment. I forgot that about restaurant work.
However, one of the things that i've noticed is the overt, omnipresent racism. What do i mean? well, the waitstaff, the managers and hostesses are all white. The chefs are all black. The dishwashers are mexican and black. I won't blame the restaurant for this : i highly (highly!) doubt that any of these people had applied for jobs outside of their "rank." But It's odd, after having left the south for awhile. I didn't forget, but racism wasn't in my face, up north.
In the steamy dish room, I unloaded plates slathered with coleslaw and grits, half eaten fried oysters and discarded hushpuppies. The dishwasher, a heavyset black man of an indeterminate age, flashed a gold tooth and started a conversation with me:
"long day"
Wiping sweat off my forehead, I reply,"nooo kidding"
He continues. "i been working since 5:30 this morning " (it was well after 9pm)
Feet aching, I am dismayed. "Oh my god! not here, right?"
He explains: "I got a cleanin' job for some other restaurant in the mornin.' i come here afta that. I gotta be at work at 5 o'clock tomorrow mornin'"
"damn." I shake my head. "I respect that. That's hard work. That's a lot of hard work."
He nods. "For real it is. thanks - i appreciate that"
Before my recent money troubles, i would have wondered how he would need to work so much. But in my quagmire of financial indebtedness that i seem to have found myself in - piles of bills and worries that seep into my life like pluff mud under my feet - i think i get it.
But i am lucky. I come from a family that is well off. And I can find a job, easily - a decent paying one. For this i am thankful. It's good, sometimes, to get a knock upside the head: "you think you have it hard? you have no idea how hard it can get.

Jumping into the deep end

Today, i spent the afternoon visting a friend of mine from Boston, Danielle. She was a co-worker of mine at my job, as well as a student at my grad school. She's two years older than me, and when i was offered my first job at GC, it was to replace her as she moved up in the ranks. Anyway, She moved down here to chucktown about two days before i did. We have only hung out a few times, (she's over in west ashley while i'm east of the cooper), but we planned to go to the beach today, over my way on Sullivan's Island.
The heat advisory felt differently. The heat index was approximately 120 today - otherwise known as Too Hot To Go To The Beach. So instead we hung out, went to a mexican restaurant, Total Wine (a liquor store duh), and took her dog on a sticky, muggy, soup-like walk. The noise i make a lot is this weather sounds somewhat like "LEAUUGGGHHHHHHHH" It is meant to indicate that i do not REALLY want to LIVE in a steam room.
I enjoy spending time with her. I've never moved somewhere with anyone else, and while this was purely coincidental, it was nice that we can discuss the various locations and way of life (and grad school and job...). At the wine store, the clerk drew her into a conversation, and on the way out, she was like, "people are so NOSY here!" and i said, "yes...but here it's called 'being polite." ~She's from the northeast, can you tell?~

At some point, she asked what my plans were following Slovakia, and i presented then to her. i then realized that i haven't so much shared them with everyone else, so here they are:
(ed. note: i will choose, at an appropriate time, between these options. I know myself well enough not to trap myself into anything too far in advance, so i am simply preparing myself for any/all)

MY PLANS FOR AFTER SLOVAKIA

Option 1:
I may choose to stay there. I might get a job in preservation, for my school, at the embassy, or teaching english. I may marry a slovak.

Option 2: I hightail it back to the good ol' US of A and head straight into grad school, where i will finish my degree in preservation and pursue a professorship. The schools that i am applying to are in Oregon, Washington State, and perhaps at my alma mater. If i can hook something up where i can get some form of fellowship here in chucktown, that might be wise. We shall see.

Option 3: I hightail it back to the good ol' US of A, where i say, "screw school!" and promptly choose a place to live (oregon, here's lookin at you, kid), where i will find a job. Said job will likely be in the field of preservation or urban design/planning.

Option 4: This is my "kooky" option. This is where i come back to the states, realize that i am not done with my adventures, and go abroad again. Peace Corp is heading that list, but so is Teaching English in China (the benefits are greatest there) or something. There are lots of alternatives in that realm, such as Doctors without Borders.

So, as i said, I'm sitting on these options. I'm applying to schools and looking into the information needed for options 2-4. Danielle, who is recently married, respects my decision to "jump into the deep end." She also stated that once you are married, and own nice things and a dog, etc...it is far more difficult to do what i am doing. I like feedback like that - it helps me feel that i'm not just being completely ludicrous.

For Miss Lora

"How have you been?
How is the restaurant?
How is the heat?
How are your parents?
How is your brother?
Have you heard anything about Azkaban?
(You must answer each of these in full sentences with a cohesive story involving all answers.)"

this is an email i got from my cousin today. sorry, all, that i haven't been posting. I am attempting to write something that will end up in, oh, i don't know...paperback form.

so here we go.

how have you been?
answer: I have been fine. I have been fairly lazy, as well. I have spent much of my time doing notsomuch. As Lora knows, I went camping in NY for about a week a while back, and while i wrote a blog about it, i never published it. i will go back and perhaps do so after this.

I have been staying up late and sleeping in until the morning is essentially gone.

i have watched nearly all of the indie movies that my eye has been on, with my idie-movie-lovin' buddy Laura, and these movies were graciously provided for us by her boyfriend's blockbuster movie pass. These have included (but are not limited to): Candy, Me You and Everyone one we know, Factory Girl, and something that was subtitled "the gay sleepless in seattle"

i spent a week running around like a chicken without its head, trying to get my paperwork to the embassy before the end of July. I did it!

Adopting an extremely loquacious tigerkitty that i named Loqi.

Learning slovak : štúdium Slovenský

drinking white wine
and sometimes too much vodka. i blame this on one miss Laura V. While she does not make me drink, per se, we have this terrible ability to drink (and egg each other on) until falling down. therefore, i have also spent some of my time lying in bed with the shades drawn and an ice pack on my head, ruing this terrible tendency of mine

I went down to Savannah, GA for a couple of days last week. i adore that city. I plan on going back soon, for a day of photography. My aunt is also an inspiration, and so i love talking with her. I think she identifies with me, and also, i think she enjoys mentoring me.

I have been trying out lots of new recipes. I can't so much call it cooking, as the recipes i've been making usually result in a cold food. Ex: tabbouleh, quinoa pilaf, vietnamese tofu salad.

reading. of course. I just finished Eat, Pray, Love...after owning it for six months and avoiding it because the author sounds so damned arrogant in the first few chapters. But as it turns out, i really liked the book. (this is a common theme in my life - to initially dislike that which i will end up loving. I wish i could recognize it at the time, but i never can. This refers to not only books, but friends and activities and movies etc.


how is the restaurant?
so far, fine. I am now a server at a decent seafood restaurant on shem creek. Food is fairly expensive, which equals high tips. Everyone i've met so far is also quite nice. the restaurant is on a river, and boats dock there, which i enjoy. Working at a restaurant gives me much more freedom than an office job, and it makes me appreciate my free time.

how is the heat?
Fucking Hot. So hot that i like sitting in my car: free sauna. It's good for your skin and also rids your body of toxins such as excessive quantities of vodka. But it has not been this hot for long, oh no: last week it poured heavy, unceasing sheets of water which flooded the streets and drenched you if you dared to run from your car into the house. But now it is blindingly, brilliantly hot. These are the dog days of August. This is the heat that is the Yin to the Yang of Boston's winter.


how are your parents?
Crazy. I don't know what they want from me, all i know is that it is never, ever enough.


how is your brother?
He's still in love. How is that he in love? How is it him that has held onto a relationship for three years? ...But he is. He drinks less than i do, for her. He doesn't smoke pot anymore, for her. He has just moved into a Bungalow over by hampton park. It's beautiful. It's an early twentieth century craftsman, which means it has lovely woodwork. High ceilings, carved moldings, and a claw-footed bathtub. If i were living here, really living here, i would like to live somewhere just like that.

Have you heard anything about Azkaban?
all the paperwork is in, all the tuition has been paid. And flights are surprisingly cheap, about $400 from charleston to bratislava. so come visit me, betches!

okay, kids. that's all i got for ya right now. *Kisses*